I left blogging for a lot of reasons...... but despite all reasons and excuses I plan a come back..... or else it can be rightly said as I need a come back...

STORIES UNTOLD.....

I know that whenever you are attempting to start a blog, you have a duty towards the readers not to abandon the blog. But I would like to start up this with an apology on the same aspect. I am not myself these days … and I am going to tell you a bit about this…

 This is my vacations. So I planned of working and after several stories (which will be lengthy if I dare to say those), I went in to my work as a research assistant in a very renowned and mighty institution. My work nowadays is conducting social awareness programmes, educating rural women and youth, taking surveys to know about people of rural areas etc. Currently I am working with 60 panchayats of kerala.

 For people who are outside kerala,  refer http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Education_in_Kerala

 As Gandhiji Said, the soul of India lies in villages, we went into the villages to find out actually where the soul is! But what welcomed me are stories, some told and a lot more untold.

 One day I went in to a hut. Before reaching there itself, I knew how the home might be because our surveys are like that which gives us even the picture of where the water pot of the house lies. So we went in, I saw the Mother, I saw what I exactly expected itself, a girl, younger than me(i.e., below 21 yrs). And having 4 children and the eldest is 7 years old. While my team mate was  asking them about why they are not sending the children to schools etc., my eyes were searching for a 4 year old boy whose details are included in the survey form and who I could not find out. At last the young father, who is severely alcoholic, told me that the child died. Simple the child ‘died’. (“When we walk down the streets, suddenly, due to some mysterious magic.. POOH! The person vanishes.. again tomorrow when you wake up, you might be, POOH! Vanished” – potion master to Harry potter, Harry potter and the deathly hallows) He added, “it was ill, we didn’t even had the money to feed the child, so due to no medicine.. it died”. “He died there” – He pointed towards the mat in which I sat.

 After a week when I went to an Aadivasi ‘ooru’ I saw a small girl who looks about 12 yrs old with a big belly. I started discussing with one of my team mates who is an MBBS student about rickets. And he started to search in to his laptop on how to eradicate the terrible disease. While we were seriously ‘searching’ , we came to know that the girl’s disease is not rickets , but she is pregnant, and unmarried too…

 I didn’t dare to go for kasargod ‘enkamaje’ which is the endosulphan affected area. I took the decision at the same moment in which I got the filled up survey form itself. I understood that I am not ‘big’ enough to bare the stories waiting for me there.

Last day when I got in to the bus, I saw a lady with a burnt face. While she was trying so hard to cover her face and my fellow passengers striving not to look at her face, I was thinking of a story… untold..

 So friends… excuse me…. Because now I am busy chasing some  STORIES UNTOLD…

REFERENCE SECTION....

Happy that i was getting those smiles back again after a long year. As usual walked up again after answering several "no class today?" querries. Got inside the reference section and signed the register. I dont know why  i sigh a bit hard these days after getting in to my usual seat with my books. Had exams coming up. Managed to find a huge book with less number of words and more photographs on world war 2.  after sometime i got into my book(The atmosphere there gives you an opportunity for that! ) .
 "Hey! you have to give your ID details in the register.. " This is the usual call which marks the arrival of a "new comer" to the place... i looked up. A small girl of about 16- 18 years of age, with a very confused face filled with a bit of fear. As though i was quite away from the Reception, her eyes fell on me... and i gave her a smile... And to my surprise, she gave one back. Again i went inside my books. somebody's cellphone vibrated .. it gave a nice voice out.. The uncle who was one  desk away shouted to the owner of the phone .." cant you see? i am researching.. throw that thing out" !!
  The new girl's confused look evenmore worsened.. i saw she giving  a  smile to the 'researcher' and it was wasted.. nobody else were concerned! so she approached me.. and asked.." what should i do?" i told her to find the book she need and sit somewhere and enjoy!!  reasearcher now turned up to me.." can't you see? i am researching!" .. i said a sorry... and she left... came back with some small book and sat two desks away from me...
  The door opened with a huge sound... i was anxious whether where the  old man will sit. I am  always afraid of this funny beard guy.. he resembled a psychologist that we always see in films. He feels when he reads.That's his problem. He cries aloud... shouts aloud...laughs ... hits on the table... clapps hard... the researcher also is afraid of him... he throws words too!! i became a devotee suddenly. prayed to god to make him sit some where else and now the fortunate one was the new comer.. within 10 minutes she came and sat opposite to me...
  Dee dee you have a paper? My Bihari Bhaiya (sanjith) arrived.. he is one among the strangest people that i have ever seen in my life.. he is 15 and is a mad fan of Stephen Hawkins. I am not  even able to read the title of the books that he studies, and we had a strange friendship too. because he talks hindi and i replies in english...And he always uses my pen and paper..
  somebody laughed aloud.. "can't you see i am researching!" and a sorry again...
  he sat next to me and took two papers and my pen and started his work! the new girl have by the time became a sharp observer. I bet by the time she came, she didnt even read one line.. she was oserving each one in the hall and i could see the expressions of "Nalan in daksayagam" in her.
 time passed.. Sanjith started writing some thing on air... inbetween he stands up and run away and comes back with some other books and calculates in air...
 A new man arried to my desk... hastily found a seat.. picked up a large sized book and started sleeping. ( but i hate his snoring and the researcher is ok with that!)
 suddenly sanjith threw my pen to the floor with a huge sound .. it broke  in to three... The girl jumped up and looked at me..the cap went somewhere under the shelf. i was wondering about that...
Sanjith rose from the seat ,quitely walked to the pen and repaired it , got back to the seat with a close up smile  saying... "Mil gaya deedi" .. Who cares about your bloody theory? i was wondering about the cap..
  " You people will never let me research?" - the researcher shouted with his fist hitting the table... the snoring man jumbed up and turned to the researcher.. "who made that noice? .. dont make such noice again.."
he again returned to his job... the 'psychologist' have now started talking with some super natural force..
   The girl rose up and came next to me... and asked.. " Are everyone mad here?"
I simply smiled and said....
       "In a mad world, only the mad are sane."

She walked out... and now the 'psychologist' started crying....
 
  

ABLUTION OF PSYCHE

Who told that life is worthless .......might  be a fool ..LIFE is so pure and it is really an enigma .It's my belief.Today

,I just felt a small wind while travelling though my ways of life.IT MADE ME REALISE THAT LIFE IS

REALLY SOMETHING WHICH CANNOT BE EXPLAINED........It was a zephyr that actually made a

big tree  fall down to ground.(It's all much frozen around here).And I really like it.To be frank,now I have

really started to stop existing in this wide universe.(The cold mist is increasing)Life is not prolix till the

psyche  in us is still making imaginations for the very next moment.(I am getting frozen).Let me regain one

of my oldest experiences from my unconcious mind which is still active in me,..................
It was at an evening ,i noticed a single  ray of light falling on my forehead.Usually,as some teacher's words

"apply science in every seconds of life" ,Everyone thinks like that .But unfortunately I thought about the

thoughts of that ray......it will be thinking that "I am so unlucky..I was not able to fall on earth..."Yes it is

.....it's all awesome when we stand with our own active psyche on earth...........................................................
Oh god , please forgive me.........I was not ready to live in this world ............Yes, I existed.But I failed to stand

straight at this eath,this spontaneous earth..BUT FROM NOW, IWILL LIVE........WITH AN

INSPIRATION.........................................ALONG WITH MY DREAMS.................MY LIFE..........AND

WITH MY SOUL WHICH IS DRIPPING AWAY FROM  MY HANDS.............
                                  
   Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
  But to hold it together when everyone else
   would understand if you fell apart,
    that's true strength.
     -unknown

FORGIVE ME!!!!!

I am fed up with these two words now.. is it so easy to say this??

Really i can't ... is it so easy to escape by telling these two words

after ruining some ones mood??? i don't know...
 Yesterday one came and sat beside me.A friend .. just a

classmate.. as usual, started talking unnecessary things... i too

joined... within a short span of time,the number of the gang

increased(my dearest friend is an expert in making a lot of fake

friends). the session changed to that of something called a  'gang

blast'. suddenly one among them asked me: "why you are like

this?There are some huge mysteries around you,that's why you

are so silent." and she burst in to a laughter.everyone joined and

me smiled. it was over . later , the  girl again came to me and
asked a lot of things.. but it was very easy for me because she
had answers with her for all the questions! atlast she left by
slapping me and with a sweet advice on how to live
successfully!!!..and as an ending note.."please forgive me if this

hurts!"(so she understood that i was hurt)
 But i left it there... because i started to learn how to forgive those

who treats me like an ass....
but yes , the debris remained... somewhere inside...
  Today evening,i was sitting inside my room with a cup of coffee
actually to take a long breath-in after such a tiring day. suddenly

my phone rang..it was one of my dearest friend who is now not in

terms..
she started the call by saying... "Please forgive me my dear.... i

have no problem with you.. i am doing all this to teach our mutual
friend a lesson...i know that it hurts.. but please forgive me..."
  ..........................................................................I don't know
why............... i bursted out.... i talked with her very rudely.....
many things were going inside my mind...
 whom all should i forgive??? i have to forgive my classmate to
unfairly intruding in to my privacy and hitting my feelings... i have
to forgive my co-passenger for hitting my head with her huge

umbrella.. i have to forgive this friend for acting indifferently like a

stranger to me.... i have to forgive my old friends for leaving me
alone because i was not in contacts for a while(they never asked
the reason)....i have to forgive many people who broke my heart....
i have to forgive those who made me hate my life, i have to forgive
my soulmate for removing me from his life, i have to forgive the
one who put my life upside down with sweet dreams and
ambitions...... i have to forgive myself for being alive in this stupid
world......
 I could not.... i shouted... and said her that i will not.... i will never
forgive anyone anymore.. many times, we forgive people because

we want them in our life again... and i dont want

anyone....ANYONE.. in my life ..... leave me alone.... please.....i

want to be like this....why the hell you interfere in my life and
freedom...i may die,i may live..who are you to ask???what you
thought about me?? am i an jackass to grant everyone free
'pardon'?? i want to be like this..leave me alone!!! i hanged up the

call....
     yes ... i was rude..... i know... your voice changed... you never

expected that from me..... i know...
  PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY DEAR.......FORGIVE ME!!!!!!

Is it possible to find reasons behind everything we do?? So this blog too dont have any special reason to be told... but can be concluded as a place where i can disclose many things that i would love to scream aloud to the world that is around me.... i was searching for something..for a start... but unable to find any....
And not sure that i will never be able to find many things that could be spelt wayside...... so i might never be regular.... And suddenly one day you may find me dashing out very cruely without even saying a goodbye.....  i am never regular.... on anything.....
  ok.... let us start... this is not my first blog..... once very serious... once very much selfish and now its mixed...... ;-)
      stepping in to my new platform......... with the usual shivering when i face a croud...
                              MAY I????