FORGIVE ME!!!!!

I am fed up with these two words now.. is it so easy to say this??

Really i can't ... is it so easy to escape by telling these two words

after ruining some ones mood??? i don't know...
 Yesterday one came and sat beside me.A friend .. just a

classmate.. as usual, started talking unnecessary things... i too

joined... within a short span of time,the number of the gang

increased(my dearest friend is an expert in making a lot of fake

friends). the session changed to that of something called a  'gang

blast'. suddenly one among them asked me: "why you are like

this?There are some huge mysteries around you,that's why you

are so silent." and she burst in to a laughter.everyone joined and

me smiled. it was over . later , the  girl again came to me and
asked a lot of things.. but it was very easy for me because she
had answers with her for all the questions! atlast she left by
slapping me and with a sweet advice on how to live
successfully!!!..and as an ending note.."please forgive me if this

hurts!"(so she understood that i was hurt)
 But i left it there... because i started to learn how to forgive those

who treats me like an ass....
but yes , the debris remained... somewhere inside...
  Today evening,i was sitting inside my room with a cup of coffee
actually to take a long breath-in after such a tiring day. suddenly

my phone rang..it was one of my dearest friend who is now not in

terms..
she started the call by saying... "Please forgive me my dear.... i

have no problem with you.. i am doing all this to teach our mutual
friend a lesson...i know that it hurts.. but please forgive me..."
  ..........................................................................I don't know
why............... i bursted out.... i talked with her very rudely.....
many things were going inside my mind...
 whom all should i forgive??? i have to forgive my classmate to
unfairly intruding in to my privacy and hitting my feelings... i have
to forgive my co-passenger for hitting my head with her huge

umbrella.. i have to forgive this friend for acting indifferently like a

stranger to me.... i have to forgive my old friends for leaving me
alone because i was not in contacts for a while(they never asked
the reason)....i have to forgive many people who broke my heart....
i have to forgive those who made me hate my life, i have to forgive
my soulmate for removing me from his life, i have to forgive the
one who put my life upside down with sweet dreams and
ambitions...... i have to forgive myself for being alive in this stupid
world......
 I could not.... i shouted... and said her that i will not.... i will never
forgive anyone anymore.. many times, we forgive people because

we want them in our life again... and i dont want

anyone....ANYONE.. in my life ..... leave me alone.... please.....i

want to be like this....why the hell you interfere in my life and
freedom...i may die,i may live..who are you to ask???what you
thought about me?? am i an jackass to grant everyone free
'pardon'?? i want to be like this..leave me alone!!! i hanged up the

call....
     yes ... i was rude..... i know... your voice changed... you never

expected that from me..... i know...
  PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY DEAR.......FORGIVE ME!!!!!!

Is it possible to find reasons behind everything we do?? So this blog too dont have any special reason to be told... but can be concluded as a place where i can disclose many things that i would love to scream aloud to the world that is around me.... i was searching for something..for a start... but unable to find any....
And not sure that i will never be able to find many things that could be spelt wayside...... so i might never be regular.... And suddenly one day you may find me dashing out very cruely without even saying a goodbye.....  i am never regular.... on anything.....
  ok.... let us start... this is not my first blog..... once very serious... once very much selfish and now its mixed...... ;-)
      stepping in to my new platform......... with the usual shivering when i face a croud...
                              MAY I????